I miscarried back in May, my baby would have been due this week, right about Christmas time. I thought I had worked through most of the hard stuff....I have been having such a hard time these past few weeks. My son is 2 years old, I run a home daycare and have kids around me all the time. It hurts to see someone else pregnant or to hear that someone found out they are expecting. I am truly happy for them and I feel so selfish to feel the way I do. I feel like God gave me this beautiful son and I need to be thankful for today and what I do have. And though I feel all that and know I am blessed to have what I do, I am still so sad. I get frustrated that I am not pregnant again, and scared that if I do get pregnant the same thing will happen. My son is 2 and we wanted our children close in age....I hear all this coming through my thoughts and I get so disappointed with myself that I am not handling things better. You know, it seems that all the people in my life that would have been excitedly waiting for the arrival of this baby have also forgotten about it. I'm sure that with it being Christmas it's not on the top of the list to remember, especially because "it's over"...that's hard too...I feel alone alot of times in this and sometimes I wonder what's wrong with me that I can't let it go? I know that life is a gift that is given, I am honored that I have been entrusted with my son's upbringing, and I try to remember everyday that there's someone bigger than me with a say so in his life-God-but I'm still sad that there was someone growing in me that I never got to hold in my arms, or look into their eyes, or smell their breath. I just need to put this out there because it's just boiling up inside me and I have nowhere to put it. I guess I'm just hoping to hear other voices, other voices that just feel this and know it.
Thanks,
Jenny
Thanks,
Jenny
